Baddie Funny Status Messages

   What if I told you none of this was real? "Sir, just pay us your credit card debt."

   It's not my fault that people don't appreciate the art of unpunctuality.

   Have you tried checking her purse for your balls?

   The first date went so well I might even remove the duct tape for the second date.

   Nothing's driving me insane. Insane is in the passenger seat screaming for it's dear life.

   Honey maybe you will feel better if you poop.

   Women don't fart until they get married... that's when they get an a$$hole.

   What you call a "morning wood" I call "breakfast in bed"

   People who get drunk after one beer: what's it like, being criminally insane?

   Yesterday I heard a young white kid tell his mom "I hate you and you annoy me, you stupid b*tch" Then a black woman slapped me just for hearing it

   It's not about the chase, it's about the kill

   GUY 1: Why can’t we skip rope without society judging us? GUY 2: What if we occasionally beat the crap out of each other? Boxing is born.

   Wife: "When you're watching p orn, do you think of me?" Husband: "When you're eating cake, do you think of dog s hit?"

   Are you crying? No, my eyes are taking a pi$$

   When Kim heard Lamar got cut by the Mavs she probably texted Khloe the number of her divorce lawyer

   Oh, you have read every Harry Potter book? That's cool. So how long have you been single?

   A shot of vodka a day keeps the sad away!

   I once challenged Vanilla Ice to a Rap challenge and the loser had to be Vanilla Ice.

   If we're side by side in bed and I can't keep my eyes off you, it means I'm really in love, or I'm gonna' slit your throat while you sleep.

   My relationships are like fat girls. They NEVER workout.