Baddie Funny Status Messages

   Difference between a cult and a religion: In a cult the guy at the top knows it's a scam; in a religion that guy's dead.

   Thank god the Beastie Boys fought for my right to party I'm just sitting on my couch though

   Women are from Hearts and Men are from Pen*s.

   Are Tyler Perry movies some kind of punishment for slavery?

   FACEBOOK: Twitter, because sleep deprivation, alcoholism, sexual frustration, social dysfunction, & personal suffering were made for the internet.

   You make me want to stop wearing the same jeans 3 days in a row.

   I'm not even really looking for a sex partner, just a sex collaborator would be nice.

   It's like my dad always said, "Don't call me Dad."

   My boss and I will have to agree to disagree. He wants me to do stuff that will make him money. I want to do stuff that will get me drunk.

   My woman calls me the UPS man, cause I deliver that package right on time. Or it could be because I wear ugly brown shorts.

   I put a message in a bottle and threw it in the Ocean. The note said "I have Tuberculosis and I coughed in this bottle"

   Libertarians keep Republicans out of your bedroom and Democrats out of your wallet.

   I'm pretty sure it was worse luck for the black cat that crossed my path than me, since I ran it over.

   Cutting the fat off bacon is like cutting the bacon off bacon.

   Sorry I buried the hatchet in your face.

   Don't talk to me unless you're a dog.

   Hey people going to church, the gym or eating plants; Please keep it to yourself and stop telling us about it all the time.

   The extra muscles it takes to smile after losing an Oscar is such a workout it keeps the actors thin for the whole next year!

   "Mirror, mirror on the the wall, who's the most expressionless one of them all?" --how I imagine this Kristen Stewart Snow White movie going

   Strangers who think it's okay to just have a random chat with me is what's wrong with the world today.