Baddie Funny Status Messages

   Sorry I lied about being on the pill and now you are connected to me until you die. - WOMEN

   I'm a proud and satisfied user of the doggie-style technique!

   I'd probably get laid a lot more if I were in prison.

   I wish I had a nickel for every time I wanted to sell weed.

   Fat people need to accept that being fat isn’t a crime. It’s not a disease. And being called fat isn’t an insult.

   You know who else put mushrooms on their pizza? Hitler.

   some dude playing Pokémon go came inside my house to catch a Pokémon and stole my TV

   It's horrifying to think that Brock Turner was tried, convicted, and served his sentence in before a Taylor Swift relationship ended.

   I'd totally marry you, but Walmart doesn't have a ring in your size.

   If you drink enough alcohol, stairs become an extreme sport.

   The microwave sent those nudes, not me.

   All panties are edible if you're hungry enough.

   My back is killing me from picking up all these chicks.

   I'm not a player, I just tuck a lot. ~Transvestites

   There is going to be no easy way to tell my GF that I'm leaving her. Mainly as she's deaf and I don't know sign language.

   There's nothing that a well-planned homicide can't fix.

   Don't love someone so much that you stop watching p 0rn!

   I want to be the reason that you can never look at mayonnaise the same way ever again.

   Joyce, the office slut, just sneezed and now we all have to take a mandatory HIV test on Monday :(

   McDonald's is like if Ke$ha were a restaurant.