Baddie Funny Status Messages

   The best part of having relatives over is that feeling you get when you shut the door behind them as they leave.

   Voting for president is getting to the point where it's simply which guy would you rather watch dump all your money into a toilet and flush.

   Maybe Taylor Swift should try dating an Arab. It might not work out but at least he'll make sure she doesn't live to write another song.

   No matter how hard you try, you can't mail a fart.

   Well well well, if it isn't the girl who escaped from my trunk.

   My favorite Transformer is the one that transforms from a hoe into a housewife.

   The only benefit to getting up early is being the a$$hole who tells everyone how early he got up.

   The worst mistake a man can make is to say ''I'm all ears honey'' to a woman.

   Facebook is not a shower, so keep your clothes on ho!

   ME: "Waiter, I'd like to send this back" WAITER: "Sir, I believe that's your wife."

   I like my organic farm-raised eggs like I like my action movies: Cage free.

   I just woke up and realized I didn't have to.

   Never bring a hangover to a wife fight.

   While playing football with friends: Fat guy = goalkeeper.

   Hi remember me? I'm the guy you never bothered to say goodbye to you self-conceited b!tch. .

   I use Google Earth to see which yards have milkshakes.

   Well, son, when a man loves a woman very much he expresses that love by slowly transforming into a human sloth.

   Apparently a seizure isn't a challenge to a dance-off.

   No women in their soccer team. Typical Iran.

   Maybe cigarettes don't give you cancer. Maybe it's the jean jackets and sunglasses. We just don't know.