Baddie Funny Status Messages

   Anyone else find it disgusting when someone in the shower slides the bar soap between their cheeks to clean themselves? Asking for my wife.

   A poncho, because nobody else is going to hug you.

   "But what does it mean?" - WOMEN

   'Spread the joy' is an excellent way to ask someone to open their legs.

   The uneasy moment when a midget is getting high

   I like big brains and I can not lie.

   Having just watched Kim Kardashian in Tyler Perry’s Temptations, I have come to the conclusion that her sex tape is the closest she should have been allowed to acting. Damn you Tyler Perry.

   "My boyfriend this. My boyfriend that. My boyfriend is cooler than you. My boyfriend bought me stuff" - girls that I hate

   What the hell did we do during blow jobs before cell phones?

   I don’t care what people think but women with tattoos are very sexy. Also women who have a heartbeat and women without d*cks are very sexy too.

   It's so cute how you have a safe word like you think I can hear you through the duct tape.

   Son have I told you about the birds & the bees? Dad you're an ornithologist & moms an entomologist it's literally all you guys talk about

   Angelina Jolie is so malnourished, that Madonna is going to adopt her.

   You are so ugly...as a kid, pedophiles used to give you candy to get out of the van.

   what base is it when your wife feels the bed shaking and says if you're going to jerk off do it on the couch?

   Its cute when a slut demands respect. B!tch the only thing your are getting is an STD.

   With gas prices at what 5 bucks a gallon? It's cheaper to do cocaine and just run everywhere.

   At the end of the new Adam Sandler movie they don't roll the credits they roll the blames.

   HER: This is an emergency, so its women and children first! ME: Lady, it's just a breakfast buffet...

   My girlfriend called me lazy the other day. I almost responded.