Baddie Funny Status Messages

   What's a bae and can I deep fry it and dip it in cheese?

   Look lady, if you don't want me staring at your ass in public, let's go back to my place.

   Of course I have real friends. They're named beer, whiskey, and vodka.

   Sometimes you got to talk to someone only once to realize why everyone else avoids them like a plague.

   I can't believe I haven't ruined somebody's day yet.

   It's not my job to fix you, people get paid for that.

   You can lose weight but unfortunately you can't lose ugly.

   Sorry I stopped, dropped and rolled when you told me you loved me.

   H.O.E.S = Happily offering everybody sex.

   I get my revenge by sneaking into ladies public toilets at night and lifting all the toilet seats up.

   Me crazy? If it wasn't so hard to get back up on this unicorn, I'd so b*tch-slap you

   Some people should not have been given the ability to talk and breathe at the same time.

   All of me wants none of you.

   I came, I saw, I screamed "How the hell do I get out of here?"

   At my job interview today the guy said, "You're shaking, don't be so nervous." So I told him, "Oh, I'm not nervous, I'm an alcoholic."

   The only time a man should dance is when another man is shooting at his feet.

   Sex so good you forget to take a selfie.

   Hey you ok? I haven't seen you post a selife in like 5 minutes.

   I am sorry for what I said when I was....... Drunk, naked and horny while laying on your front lawn.

   I'll let you hold my son before I ever let you hold my beer. Which is probably a good idea since I'll be too drunk to do it myself.