Funny Status Messages

   Love Sunday bourbon but sometimes "message failed to send," is your four leaf clover

   My dating life has been so bad since the coronavirus I asked my Alexa if she could be my girlfriend who said no I like you but only as friends.

   Just watch the movie Tenet. It felt like a glorifed Back to the Future. Except with more plot holes.

   I probably would be celebrating St Valentine's today but I have scruples and can't forgive Madonna for dating that male dancer Ahlamalik Williams.

   Looking for meaningless likes and retweets? Post something about candy corn.

   Breast reduction is just another way a woman has to get something off her chest.

   millennial: I wish for death boomer genie: did you say debt millennial: no boomer genie: too late

   Over the top, over the top, over the top. Stop with the Jan Brady already .

   Whoever said "Rome wasn't built in a day" needed to log out of Facebook.

   we would like some pollen

   I think some of my friend's have substituted their prescription meds with Facebook to feel thankful during the holiday seasons.

   Roses are red, violets are blue, I need a valentine, how about you?

   I think the word alimony should be spelled aliMOANy

   I would love to incite a fight after a UB40 concert.

   Hi, my name's Mike. Mike Unstinx.

   My mom says hunnie your room is full of trash I be like mom my ex isn't here anymore

   Samsung galaxy S10 Will still Touch ground and break If it can't float on the air when I mistakenly drop it, I don't want

   Having babies is the solution to all of the world's problem? Sigh.

   If taking cat naps at work as often as I do had anything to do with it, then I'm pretty sure I can sleep my way to the top.

   There have been only two authentic geniuses in the world, Willie Mays and Willie Shakespeare. — Tallulah Bankhead