Funny Status Messages

   My boss asked me who was stupid, me or him. I told him that we all know he doesn't employ stupid people.

   What's 23 + 44 ???

   Playing "Real Boxing" on my IPad makes me feel like much more of a badass than I actually am.

   If you beat up homeless people they can go to the hospital where they will have a warm bed and good food.

   Even to this very day, I still can't remember that time I had amnesia.

   I changed my mind. F*ck Trump.

   I can't believe all the Me×icans who are taking Amer¡can jobs. Amer¡can jobs previously held by 16 year olds.

   PS. Saying it your face and doing it in person is the same thing, you redundant asshole.

   I'm not giving you the middle finger; I'm showing half of a peace sign.

   If you lose your shoe at the end of the night, you’re not Cinderella. You’re probably just drunk.

   Travis Kelce is going to have to sign a prenup that is longer than any book he's ever read!!

   Two conspiracy theorists walk into a bar. You can't tell me that was just a concidence.

   I share the same number of no f**ks given for Tyreek Hill as I did for George Floyd.

   I've heard of people being "generation x" or " generation z"..... if I had to label my family, we would be "generation AA" we go to meetings about it

   When I go to someone's house and they tell me to make myself at home, the first thing I do is tell them to get out. I don't like visitors.

   The USA holds the cards, Canucksters.

   Yoda: You're going to need more than just a glass of water to wash away all your ignorance. In fact, you're going to need a whole ocean to wash away the crap you're so full of.

   Fuel prices are so high that I went to the car dealership and test drove 3 cars to run my errands. Follow me for more money saving tips. 😎

   I burned 1000 calories avoiding someone I know at Walmar

   You could have done so much better than him.” Me: Mom, hello I'm right here..