Funny Status Messages

   My parents never actually listened to me as a kid. I recall a solar eclipse one year. "Hey ma, can I go outside and watch the eclipse?" "Yeah, but don't get too close."

   Getting married is like going to the restaurant. You order what you want, and when you see what the other person has, you wish you had ordered that...

   Avoid office small talk by maintaining that facial expression between first sneeze and second sneeze.

   If you haven't hit a woman, then you obviously haven't dated a woman who had to be hit !

   Divorce Log - 2007 I got out of the shower. My wife walked in and I said, "Excuse me, I'm not dressed." She goes, "No kidding. I didn't think you were carrying a wrinkly purse."

   Many M^GA women are extremley flexible. This is true. They have to be, considering most M^G^ guys have trouble gettting it up. So she needs to do be able to do handstands against the wall so they can at least drop it in.

   Kamala Harris just announced she's selling bibles and clothes and accessories and water and pens and shoes with her name on them. Because that's not weird or creepy at all, is it M^G^? 😂

   🎵 Chinee foo, Chinee foo, onry Musk and Trump can afford Chinee foo! 🎵

   A guy said to me, "Hey, buddy. You got 10 dollars for a sandwich?" I told him, "Let me see the sandwich"

   Marginalized People refers to those who prefer margarine over butter.

   When a word or action is overused and loses its impact or effectiveness, it's often referred to as 'semantic satiation.' Someone should inform the 👎idiot about this.

   The Who just announced their ultimate final 'The Song is Over' tour. Right,....WE WON'T BE FOOLED AGAIN !

   People aren't picking on Dump because he's autistic. People are picking on him because he's ret*rded. Big difference.

   "When you ran out the healthy arms, you ran out of really healthy they had great arms but they ran out. It’s called sports. It’s called baseball in particular and pitchers I guess you could say, really particular." Maggots Hero Apr 07, 2025

   Coffee doesn’t make the world go round, but it sure makes the ride more bearable

   I'm thinking the guy who thought up the idea to build Venice over water is the same guy who thought putting holes in bagels was a good idea; he likes things that leak.

   thinks that Facebook is like a college dormitory. No matter the hour, there's always someone up. Also, someone is drunk.

   Remember... drunken words are sober thoughts.

   Women are like dog doo. The older they get, the easier they are to pick up.

   If what you have to say to me is going to take longer than the song "Bohemian Rhapsody" just don't! I won't be listening anyway