Funny Status Messages

   I just found out that eating spinach doesn't make you stronger.......now..… I … I just … my whole life has been a lie.

   An employee is a person who wears a tag and idle around seriously.

   needs a woman to give me Blue balls to celebrate BB Kings life...

   Who called it "camel toe" and not... oh wait, "camel toe" was there perfect thing to call it. Good job dude who called it camel toe.

   I always lick my lips when I see kids in public places because they need to realize their are bad people in this world

   I dont think the ugly loser should become president!

   Santa came down the chimney, at half past three. W

   Learn to carry your heaven with you. I mean learn to carry your liquor with you. Same thing anyways.

   Good grief...dont just sit there with a stupid look on your face like Stephen Hawking...say something!

   You are 18 yrs old, dating a 52 year old man and your status update says "I can't wait to see my baby" is he your baby or ANCESTOR?

   Seems like a circular driveway would be pointless...how would you ever get out?

   Whenever I fly and there's a little bit of turbulence, all I can think of is that I'm going to die.

   Who wants to go to Antarctica to see Penguins......I am sure they will land up in Delhi this year in search of COLD!!!!

   petrified and dismayed. Since when does the boogeyman where a cassock, a white collar and carry a book with a red ribbon marker?

   Jake and Vienna acted like they are already married.

   officially erasing all BOYS from her contacts!

   Awww! Isn't that sweet. Everyone's so in love from Facebook how long thats going to last.. like in relationship but its complicated WTF

   Let me guess. The whistleblower is un patriotic because he was doing what he thought is right for the country, not blind loyalty.

   I’m not saying I failed as a parent, I’m just saying my son closes the cereal box without rolling up the bag.

   Whew ... made it through December and managed to stay below Venezuela’s debt level