Baddie Funny Status Messages

   It pisses me off when a woman takes up space with her stroller on the bus. I mean, where am I supposed to put my mountain bike?

   According to Dr.Oz, EVERYTHING is unhealthy to eat,drink, breathe and so on!

   Her: "Did you download the new Justin Bieber album?" Me: "No...I've got a horrible case of good taste in music."

   If you're going to have sex with a stranger, make sure you are stranger than them.

   Not now, kids. Daddy's arguing with people on the Internet

   Jogging, or as I like to call it running from my problems.

   That'll do girls obsessed with horses. That'll do.

   I don't know, Man, I'm just saying Spider-Man would seem a little bit more realistic if he hiked one leg up and shot web out of his ass.

   Sometimes you can get noticed by using wit and charm. Other times, stare in their window. Staring in their window always gets you noticed.

   I'm worried for my friend. He hasn't shared a blog article about the secret to happiness in weeks.

   You say you want to get away from your demons, yet you come running to me.

   My signature sex move is paying upfront.

   Have you ever noticed that the crazies around h3re really suck at spelling and grammar?

   Marriage: where all the excitement, laughter and sex is gone but she's still there.

   Suicide is never the answer. Unless the question is, "What should Justin Bieber's next career move be?"

   You know you've had a good wank when you have no idea where it landed.

   AGENT: OK so this role is abou- NICOLAS CAGE: I'll do it.

   Some idiot just told me to "Take a hike" as if I don't love nature and finding inner strength through solitude

   The bad thing about all dogs going to heaven would be all the dog sh*t everywhere.

   I don't need a safe word because socks don't have ears.