Baddie Funny Status Messages

   I saw a nail hole in the bathroom and quickly realized I was in an Asian gloryhole.

   After sex I enjoy a big glass of get the fu-ck out of my house.

   Never judge a girls body from a picture of her face.

   My girl tells me i'm a flirt. I tell her i'm just trying to have sex with other women.

   The beauty of Google is that you can stop annoying people with your stupid questions.

   Human beings used to do some crazy things before the Facebook. For example, they used to go outside and meet people.

   I used to have an attitude problem. I broke up with her about a year ago.

   I swear while 50% of the human race is evolving the other 50% is devolving.

   Photoshop CS6 Beta has just been released, I know all the ugly people just excited.

   How much cooler would it have been if Apple made Mini-Me introduce the iPad mini?

   How are there still millions of bald men in this country when there is an abondance of permanent markers?

   I miss you like Michael J Fox misses soup

   THINGS THAT ARE DAMN HARD TO FIND: 1. A phone on silent 2. Fat girl's clitoris 3. True love

   Let's play: "Put my you-know-what, in your you-know-where."

   I have no problem expressing my feelings. *loads shotgun*

   You may think it's bad grammar but I assure you it's just laziness.

   I think people who use "go fly a kite" as an insult don't really understand kites or insults.

   I suppose one consolation about being blind is that you're always a supermodel in your eyes.

   You have to personally know a moron to fully appreciate the meaning of the word ‘moron’. A mere dictionary won't do.

   Fortunately women have the miraculous ability to change the meaning of their actions after the event.