Baddie Funny Status Messages

   Loneliness is holding paper warm from the printer close because it's what you remember hugs felt like.

   You think you're important.....and I think you should stop thinking

   Just a thought: Do Muslims write OMA instead of OMG?

   I can't believe my girlfriend called me a two-timer....That's a lie! I've cheated on her hundreds of times.

   Today sucked so much it featured a guest verse from Pitbull

   Not now life... come back when I'm drunk.

   I don't get drunk, I get able to tolerate other people.

   Not to brag but my coworkers spend alot of time hiding from me.

   I already want to take a nap tomorrow.

   Dinners not done until the smoke detector says it is.

   You look like you would ruin my life. Let's have sex. -women

   Your mumma's so fat when she goes to McDonalds they ask her what she doesn't want

   Violets are blue, roses are red, I wrote this poem for you so give me some head.

   The guy who leaked the Jennifer Lawrence pictures may be the first man to ever die of too many hi fives

   Question: If men get "c*ck-blocked" do women get "beaver-dammed"?

   My wife asked me to bring home some stuff for the pancakes yesterday. She wasn't happy when I came back with a push up bra.

   The lingerie store at the mall has a buy 2 get the 3rd free sale, so you ladies can get your panties in a bunch.

   it spelled Beiber or Bieber? I want this death threat to sound legit.

   I have developed awkward into a powerful weapon for shutting down conversation.

   Oh you don't like me? You should tell your 10 Twitter followers. That'll show me.