Baddie Funny Status Messages

   Dear Slut: If you need 2 different guys to date at the same time, please don't expect me to be one of them.

   The problem with your relationship is, you're in a relationship.

   My life is just one long improvisation.

   You do look pretty. At night. Behind a wall. With a bag on top of your head. To a Blind Person. If they turned around. Just maybe.

   Lick me like a lollipop.....but don't mistaken me for a sucker.

   " How much for that bouncy castle " Sir that's a woman

   Marriage, because sometimes ruining a person's life takes serious commitment.

   Going to the mall this weekend and trying on extra small shirts so I can remember what it feels like to be hugged

   I could spend my day outside, but I'm sure there's plenty of p0rn that needs to be rated.

   pizza will never tell you to apologize to your mother in law

   I assume people that unfollow/unfriend/delete/block me must have found Jesus.

   I was all ears until you said something that sounded like advice.

   If I do it doggy style I get to multiply every minute I last by ten, right guys?

   Everyone has someone they can trust with everything. Except their phone. No one trusts anyone with their phone.

   What's the most sensitive part of your body while m@sturbating? Your ears because you're listening for footsteps ... in case someone walks in on you.

   Party like your intervention is tomorrow.

   I'm just a boy, looking at a girl. Ohh look, she has nachos. I'm just a boy, looking at nachos

   It's not a mental breakdown if the police wasn't called.

   Be good, kids! There's no bacon in hell.

   You know that one person you're always thinking about? They don't.