Baddie Funny Status Messages

   I was never a photogenic person, because when everyone said cheese I said "WHERE ?"

   Somebody should tell Forrest Gump that on the back of the box of chocolates it tells you exactly what you're going to get.

   Tell me you love me. Then get in the kitchen, make me a sandwich and let me play my video games so I know it's real

   If you are keeping up with the Kardashians and you are a guy, I have bad news for you. You may not already know this but you are gay.

   Hate is such a strong word. That's exactly why I use it.

   I drink coffee every morning so that I don't bite your head off, so don't say I never do anything for you.

   Just got into a conversation with a crazy person. Do you guys know what a crazy person will never say? -- "Well I've got to go."

   I'm white but I'm not "call a radio station to try to win Bon Jovi tickets" white.

   BREAKING: Sarah Jessica Parker has posed nude for Playboy - Millions of erections are feared dead.

   "I'm a virgin." B!tch please, the only thing on you that's virgin is your nose, and its safe to assume that's been fingered as well.

   Being a man in biblical times must’ve been damn hard. You’re busy then your wife says, “Someone parted the Red Sea and you’re here watching sheep.”

   You know it's true love when you ask her what she is thinking about and she says "SEX" and you reply "Me too".

   I had mice in my kitchen til I replaced mouse traps with tiny notes that said,"I'll love you forever". They left me for my neighbor.

   You say "love means never having to say you're sorry" What I hear is that essentially your love is a narcissistic sociopathic minefield.

   I bet I can stay drunk longer than you can complain about it.

   Bought my girlfriend Sarah Jessica Parker's perfume and I swear she smells like grass and hay now.

   diamonds aren’t a girl’s best friend, a fat less attractive girl is.

   I like you, but not 'get dressed and leave the house to see you', like you.

   Those dudes who enter air guitar competitions must get mad air pu$$y.

   Marriage licenses must be reviewed and renewed yearly.