Baddie Funny Status Messages

   20mph school zones are only making our children's reaction time worse.

   It's like the girl sitting in front of me on this bus doesn't want me to braid her hair.

   I'm not stalking you. I'm protecting you.

   As soon as you get married you will understand why Barbie and Ken are sold separately with all their s hit

   Shock collars, but for co-workers

   I was sober for 15 straight years but on my 16th birthday I decided that I've had enough.

   The heart wants what the heart wants. *opens 12th beer*

   Stand for what you believe in. Or sit on the couch and have a couple of donuts. It's a free country really.

   Seeing a unicorn would be incredible and all, until you realize a wild animal with a spike on its head tends to enjoy spearing things to death.

   Your coffee was getting cold - Was the best excuse I could come up with after my boss caught me farting in his beverage.

   Sometimes I think lonely and crazy go hand in hand.

   She's not a slut, you guys... She just doesn't want anyone to feel left out.

   Our curves would look great together. - Lesbian Pickup line

   A day without love, sex or booze is just another day closer to death.

   Anyone know where I can get a medic alert bracelet for "does not make small talk?"

   Miley Cyrus is not unique. I have been having full body spasms and licking random objects for decades.

   I once peed a girl's name in the snow, so don't tell me I don't know romance.

   I like to keep my enemies at bay. Guantanamo to be exact.

   Congrats to LeBron for being the first person in human history to successfully escape Ohio and then go back by choice.

   Diamonds are the hardest substance in the world. To get back from a woman.