Baddie Funny Status Messages

   When two sets of boobs cross paths, the larger set has the right of way.

   Men get more attractive with age. Women...well they just let you put it in more places.

   For every cigarette you smoke God takes away 1 year of your life and gives it to Hugh Hefner.

   Do you think anyone would be offended if I added them to my "Masturbated To" list? Asking for a friend.

   Technically, I don't have to do anything until my wife wakes up and realizes I'm not doing anything.

   We all know someone who breathes way too damn loud.

   I know what you did 23 summers ago - Women

   My GF asked me to bring home some stuff for the pancakes yesterday. She wasn't happy when I came back with a push up bra.

   Ever wonder what it's like to be Amish? Get a blackberry. I'm practically milking cows and making candles over here.

   Ladies: To see how a guy is in bed, watch him put on a shoe. Does he just cram his foot in? Or does he lick the shoe fully then gently enter

   Sometimes I get so hungry that I eat a sandwich without having sex first.

   Your baby is not interesting or funny, unless it's drunk or being carried away by an eagle.

   Just finding out that Nickelback has a greatest hits album very well may have ruined my entire day.

   I'm just gonna wait for the iPhone12 when Siri can extend her arms and hold me.

   Shout out to all the women who use their brains to get what they want. Put your pu ssy away Miss, its not a currency.

   If you can moonwalk out of a police station without bumping into anything they have to drop all charges.

   Sober me makes plans and drunk me cancels them. Its a good system.

   People are tired of hearing about my girlfriend troubles, especially my wife.

   If my boss didn't want me coming to work drunk then why did he ask me to work on Saturday morning.

   I like to watch Chinese p orn at night and I put it very loud so that my neighbors think that apart from having sex I can speak Chinese too.