Baddie Funny Status Messages

   You call it stalking, I call it stalking. SEE HOW MUCH WE HAVE IN COMMON WHY WON'T YOU LET ME LOVE YOU

   Roses are red, violets are blue, I'm using my hand, but I'm thinking of you.

   By the age of 60, the average black woman has spent 21900 days (3 years) scratching her weave.

   Majority of Religious people have given religion a bad name.

   I hate this place, as soon as I find my clothes, I am leaving.

   “are you f cuking kidding me” - me every two seconds at work.

   Aren't you too fat to be this rude?

   Not sure how these ducks got into this Starbucks. Or teenage girls. Hard to tell really.

   The boss said I should let my creative juices flow. What he doesn't know is that my creative juices are vodka and cranberry.

   I drink in front of plants when I haven't watered them in weeks so I can maintain dominance.

   I hate it when I am hosting a pool party at my neighbors' house and they come home early from their vacation.

   Can't someone put these Kartrashians on a leash and chain them to a pole?

   Walmart is a Zoo for people.

   Only fools fall in love, so today's the day!

   How much for the soul mate? Sir, that's a bottle of Vodka.

   At the start of a relationship her snoring is gentle music. 5 years later you loom over her with a pillow and a distant look in your eye.

   What doesn't kill me, is of no interest to my ex wife.

   I like my women like I like my chemistry… hard to understand and capable of blowing up at any time.

   The phrase "use of the jerk-off motion is prohibited" has been added to our HR manual because of me. It's like winning an award.

   No job is too big for me to ignore.