Baddie Funny Status Messages

   Guys that say "bros before hoes' don't take gardening as seriously as I do.

   One of the office girls just told me she does yoga. I innocently said yoga is more of a spectator sport for me. Off to HR again…

   Happy people don't take long showers.

   Beer tastes so delicious when you hate everyone!

   'Don't worry. I'll hold all your stuff. You just worry about making friends' - Fanny Packs

   I love you weirdos. I don't care if you're not accepted by the outside world or your own families.

   It's embarrassing when the people at work complain about me farting in my sleep.

   I got 99 problems and they're all due tomorrow!

   Whenever my Girlfriend says she's going to "hit the sack" I instinctively cover my balls just in case.

   Sorry I woke your baby when I opened my velcro wallet.

   It's okay I'll text myself back.

   I'm sorry I accurately called you a slut

   How do you know if someone went to Harvard? They tell you.

   Men that wear Crocs have seen every episode of 'Keeping up with the Kardashians'

   I sometimes like to close my eyes and imagine a world with no poverty and also that my hand is a woman.

   I'm not shy. I was just trying to not offend you. But if you insist...

   I've worked really hard in my life to not have to hang out with vegans

   The problem with natural selection is that it isn't killing stupid people off quickly enough.

   Taylor Swift on an episode of Scooby Doo: “And I would’ve gotten away with it too if it weren’t for you meddling Kardashians!"

   Heard those ruthless and heartless thieves forced Kim K to put her clothes on first before robbing her.