Drunk people Funny Status Messages

   Bank robbers give a bad name to people who just want to deposit their check with a mask on.

   I like to yell "Don't Forget!" to people as I am leaving so they panic over nothing

   I'd rather stay home and be bored out of my mind than interact with people

   So many people are obsessed with vampires these days. Who needs vampires when a mortgage and a job are enough to suck the life out of you?

   Once told a girl we should take a "sea otter break" so we can sea otter people. Now she's dating a guy that can actually write a decent pun.

   Pokemon Go mesmerizing people into going outside is like the plot to a Steven King novel.

   Facebook is a lot like ancient Egypt, people write on walls and worship cats.

   Social Distancing has taken all the sport out of trying to avoid people.

   GIRLFRIEND: So tell me something I don’t already know about you. ME: During October I call my Dyson ‘Count Vacula’ HER: I need to see other people.

   Do people who have wind chimes know that not having wind chimes is also an option

   I hate when people see me at a grocery store and say, "Hey! What are you doing here?"... I'm like "oh you know, just hunting elephants and stuff..."

   I've started acting like my great grandpa when people are at my house, I sit in my favorite chair and hand them a dish of sh*tty candy.

   Valentine's Day: Reminding unhappy single people that they're unhappy & single since the 19th century.

   Tide pods are just cleaning up the people that should have been stains in the first place.

   People tell you to make yourself at home and then get all judgmental when you empty the fridge and fall asleep on the sofa

   Yes ... I suppose I am one of the few people that actually love Fruit Cakes!!! ....Heck .... I only need a few more ..... this year I hope to get enough to complete building my Brick wall!!

   What do I like most about people? Their dogs....

   One way to find out if you're old is to fall down in front of a group of people. If they laugh, you're young, if they panic, you're old.

   Facebook: Here's some other people you might know Me: Oh yes! I do know them! Facebook: Do you want to add them as friends? :) Me: oh God no

   HOW DO PEOPLE WHO WORK AT THE SPAM CORPORATION KNOW WHEN THEY'RE GETTING UNSOLICITED EMAIL?