Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon Do you guys miss me yet?
←Rate | 02-28-2021 14:44 by @DonaldJT Comments (0)  


   messageicon Trump 2024
←Rate | 02-28-2021 18:20 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Does anyone know how long you can put chicken in the freezer? I put one in last night and it was dead this morning.
←Rate | 02-26-2021 08:13 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I saved a ton money on a security system by hanging a picture of my paycheck on the front door.
←Rate | 08-25-2020 08:37 Comments (0)  


   messageicon That sound you hear when you already closed the cupboard & hear something fall -yeah, that’s the sound of someone else’s problem.
←Rate | 12-29-2017 07:57 by Funny Comments (1)  


   messageicon Bon Jovi must be at least 3/4 of the way there by now.
←Rate | 02-28-2020 06:23 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you work Security in a Samsung store does that make you a Guardian of the Galaxy?
←Rate | 08-07-2018 06:43 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My body is the result of thousands of pull ups. Pull up to the donut shop Pull up to the drive thru window Pull up results for “nearest pizza buffet”
←Rate | 06-01-2020 12:23 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The further a society drifts from the truth, The more it will hate those who speak it...
←Rate | 08-16-2020 11:23 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I’m really thankful I had a childhood before social media took over.
←Rate | 11-30-2020 12:47 Comments (1)  


   messageicon Due to all that's happened so far this year, I have no choice but to deduct 2 stars from my original TripAdvisor review of Earth.
←Rate | 08-13-2020 09:53 by Fazzy Comments (0)  


   messageicon Hell yes I want to apply for your store credit card. Let’s go through the entire process now while the shoppers in line behind me fantasize about my brutal murder.
←Rate | 09-16-2020 08:09 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Movie Theater Tip: When you go to the movies first thing you need to do is pour a drink in the seat in front of you so nobody can sit there..
←Rate | 01-24-2019 08:58 Comments (0)  


   messageicon A trail of clothes leading to my bedroom means that I dropped them on the way from the dryer. That's all.
←Rate | 12-08-2017 11:39 Comments (0)  


   messageicon When a kid says " Daddy, I want mommy", that's the kid version of "I'd like to speak to your supervisor."
←Rate | 07-12-2020 09:10 by Gabe Comments (0)  


   messageicon Why is it that people who are the loudest about demanding respect are the ones who have done the least to earn it?
←Rate | 09-27-2017 07:27 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I am not usually one to brag, but I was able to get my daily recommended calorie intake for weight loss down in just one sitting!
←Rate | 04-25-2017 15:38 by John Y Comments (0)  


   messageicon The amount of time my smartphone spends plugged in charging, you might as well want to call it a Land-line
←Rate | 02-08-2018 03:08 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm having a quarintine party this weekend. None of you are invited
←Rate | 03-23-2020 06:22 Comments (0)  


   messageicon "Hot singles in your area want nothing to do with you." -Honest spam
←Rate | 05-31-2020 09:49 Comments (0)  




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