Boomtastic Funny Status Messages
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my neighbors put their Christmas decorations up early, so I put my Easter stuff out just to one-up them.
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Interesting piece of history: In 1872 the Arabs invented the condom, using a goat's lower intestine. In 1873 the British somewhat refined the idea by taking the intestine out of the goat first.
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BP HAS STOPPED THE LEAK!! Apparently they put a huge wedding ring over it and it just stopped putting out.
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a toast to Levi Strauss, who died today in 1902 - "Thanks for making my ass look good all these years!"
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Donald Trump says he's only taking $1.00 a year as President. We could have had Hillary for $.77
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The less you have, the more you value it.
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69 is the kamikaze of oral sex .. If I'm going down you're coming with me.
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Last night I played a blank tape at full blast. The mime next door went nuts.
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Great! My Mayan doctor just said I have less than a year to live ..
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Four more years?! I'm praying the Mayans were right now, so it'll only be four more weeks!!
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Choose your friends by their character and your socks by their color. Choosing your socks by their character makes no sense, and choosing your friends by their color is unthinkable.
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Every man is a damn fool for at least five minutes every day; wisdom consists in not exceeding the limit.
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