Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   For the immediate future I think we should show Coffee some respect and stop calling it a "Cup of Joe."

   People are running away from Netflix and Disney by the millions. Go woke, go broke.

   There are only two genders, male and female. The rest are mental disorders.

   The road to success is dotted with many tempting parking spaces.

   When the new girl wants to spend the night; “the couch pulls out, but I don’t.”

   The only supply chain Biden won’t disrupt, the flow of drugs at our southern border.

   I dance like a car dealership’s inflatable tube man.

   Landline phones never get destroyed in washing machines.

   Do you ever think for yourself? CNN viewer: “No, I have television for that.”

   Don’t forget to pay your taxes, so they can send pallet loads of cash to corrupt countries, while you hit the same pothole driving to work every day.

   Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won’t expect it back.

   Hide inside your friend’s toothpaste tube to give them a mysterious minty fresh surprise.

   Grown men who call their parents mommy and daddy can kill you with their bare hands and won’t even say a cuss word while they’re doing it.

   LGBTQ=Lets Get Biden To Quit !

   Impressing a girl who owns cats on our date by eating so fast I throw up.

   There is no such thing as having too much cheese.

   If you happen to see an FBI agent wearing one of Melania’s dresses, post a photo of him.

   Sorry friend, but your latest post didn't gargle Zuckerberg's balls.

   You get prosecuted for refusing to wear a mask on a plane, but they can intimidate supreme court justice’s families and will be celebrated. This is how you know we are living under a regime.

   When she got a boyfriend but she wanna know ya name ~ side nigggaa