Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   How can you face your problem, if your problem is your face?

   The Left released Trump’s tax returns, and nobody cares.

   In 1929, the Soviet Union established gun control. From 1929 to 1953, about 20 million dissidents, unable to defend themselves, were rounded up and exterminated.

   Summer, Spring, Winter and Welp

   Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.

   Trans species man who self-identifies as a deer accidentally shot by hunters. Rest in pieces.

   Are you suffering from a lack of vitamin me?

   Remember kids, if she has an apple, she has a banana.

   Hey gurl, speaking of lickity split, whatcha doin later...

   Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.

   Even if you are on the right track, you’ll get run over if you just sit there.

   A trans four year old is like a vegan cat. We know who is making the choices.

   The View: Vicious, Insane, Egotistical, Woman.

   Inadvertently just signed off a work email, “should you have any questions, please don’t. Hesitate to ask.” I’m sticking with it.

   “Whether you think you can, or you think you can’t, you’re right.” ~ Henry Ford

   When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.

   People aren’t really mad when you say, “Let’s Go Brandon.” They’re mad because you’re having fun when they spent four years being angry and joyless.

   Son: Mom, what does “woke” mean? Mom: It’s a parents shocking realization that her kids are being taught extremist bull-crap.

   Kids today are soft, I died once when I was five and my mom made me walk it off.

   Gavin Newsome savagely mocked for claiming men can’t get pregnant.