cj Funny Status Messages

   Somewhere out there, someone's grandma's recipe for dill bread reads ".. allow dill dough to rise".

   Here's something to think about: How come you never see a headline like 'Psychic Wins Lottery'?

   "Doh!, the stuff that buys me beer, Ray, the guy who sells me beer, Me, the one who drinks the beer.Far, a long run to get beer, So, I'll have another beer, La, I'll have another beer, Tea, no thanks I'm drinking beer and that's why I'm not here! "

   Guys: No Shirt, No Service - Gals: No Shirt, No Charge

   My theory on housework is, if the item doesn't multiply, smell, catch fire, or block the refrigerator door, let it be. No one else cares. Why should you?

   I understand the concept of cooking and cleaning but now how it applies to me.

   Honolulu - it's got everything. Sand for the children, sun for the Husband, sharks for the husbands mother.

   My karma punch card is going to be full after today:)

   It takes 10 people to change a lightbulb because 9 of us are on Facebook.

   They say humans evolved from apes but there are some people who make you reconsider.

   How do you keep a New Orleans Saint out of your yard? Put up goal posts.

   What are the three words guaranteed to humiliate men everywhere? 'Hold my purse.'

   “Fatherhood is pretending the present you love most is soap-on-a-rope.”

   Girls are like phones. We love to be held, talked too but if you press the wrong button you'll be disconnected!

   If I want your opinion, I'll ask you to fill out the necessary form.

   No one can do everything, BUT everyone can do something!!!

   I asked the Magic ❽ Ball if I was going to clean the house today and it said, Signs point to yes. Sh*t I hate when it says

   The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.

   Men are like bank accounts. Without a lot of money they don't generate a lot of interest.

   Just because you're not paranoid doesn't mean they're not out to get you.