Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   A pessimist is a person who has had to listen to too many optimists.

   Welcome to social media… A person who does not understand humor will contact you shortly.

   Half our life is spent trying to find something to do with the time we have rushed through life trying to save.

   I’m an optimist, but an optimist who carries a raincoat.

   What a strange illusion it is to suppose that beauty is goodness.

   The average dog is a nicer person than the average person.

   A sense of humor is just common sense, dancing.

   Disney announces new 2022 LGBTQ+ clothing line for kids.

   As the evening sky faded from a salmon color to a sort of flint gray, I thought back to the salmon I caught that morning, and how gray he was, and how I named him Flint.

   Elon Musk spent 44 billion sending woke narcissists into a spiral of depression and honestly, it was money well spent.

   The greatest thing that we can do for our children, is to abolish the department of education and toss it on the ash heap of history.

   The left in charge of every branch of power and the economy is tanking. Biden, I’d like to take a moment to blame the right.

   #whoremembers ~ If you read that as whore members, we’re probably friends.

   Monkeypox & the 11 people who still believe the media.

   Go ahead and get that tattoo, your family is already disappointed.

   How do you get a country girl’s attention? A tractor.

   If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of car payments.

   Help wanted - Nobody wants to twerk anymore.

   Happiness is a dry martini and a good woman… or a bad woman.

   In a world full of hate, Be Kind.