Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   She looks like she was rode hard and put away wet

   Fact: you can't wake someone who has Parkinson up by shaking him.

   I've heard of Army, Navy, Air Force and Marine generals but, what in the Hell is the Surgeon general??? What does he do, order people to shoot somebody and then perform surgery? Talk about "job security" huh?

   Breaking News: My family is kidnapped by Ninjas I need $4 for karate lessons.

   We already won, we already won, we get Lebron James, it's already done...NOT.

   Had sardines and cabbage last night... my gas was so bad my boys literally passed out and encountered minor memory loss and a slight bit of hallucination...But all is good cuz my momma always taught me to share

   Hukd on Fonics werked for me!

   MERRY XMAS EVERYONE (Yes I know it's a bit early, but I thought I'd start with you miserable and argumentative plebs first!)

   Surely you cant be serious! ---- Oh but I am....And dont call me Shirley

   found a midget nest today! I am taking the egg home for further study.

   my relationship status changed...now it shows I'm "in a relationship with Rocket Pocket"....look forward to pics....

   stronger than a bear, wiser than a fox, endowed like a stallion.

   those that matter don't mind and those that mind don't matter

   the concept of the movie avatar to "USA, the Pandora and the Obtanium Ore" is the same to "USA, Iraq and the Oil".

   better to have a "bottle in front of me" than a "frontal lobotomy"

   a snail without a shell naked or homeless?

   sharing his loneliness with a cup of Nescafé

   Don't you just hate how some ppl get all crazy over a movie???? Like they think there is real life vampires out there who just stay up all night watching you sleep

   Roses are red violets are blue sugar is sweet and so are you but the roses are wilting the violets are dead the sugar bowls empty and so is your head.

   My night and shining armor, ending up being a retard in tin foil;)