Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   not stalkig you but thinks you look really nice in that shirt

   Dosnt Suffer From Insanity X Enjoy Every Minute Of It :))

   Which came first, the chicken or the egg? This problem has finally been solved thanks to British scientists. In a related story, German scientist are researching how much wood could a wood chuck chuck.

   Dyson has a line of fans to add to their line of vacuums. Dysonnow proudly makes products that sucks and blows.

   I thought the show was called "Blue's Clues", not "Weird White Dude With A Bowl Cut Hogging Up The TV".

   Patience is not one of my virtues. Hell, what am I talking about? Virtue is not one of my virtues.

   "Do Not Operate Heavy Machinery or use Facebook while under the influence of medication"

   They told me to think outside the box....I just learned this did not mean I could leave the box.

   looks like arnold schwarzenegger...but before he begins taking steroids.

   I cant stand people who look down on people that look down on people

   why should I ever stop smiling when I live in a joke world!

   Dont Touch..Its call The No No Spot For A Reason.

   being burried alive...please help

   Some people have food in their teeth because no one likes them enough to mention it. This serves as an early warning system for @ssholes.

   has made a poor spending decision and would now like Congress to bail him out for the sake of his shareholders.

   My girl told me I should embrace more of the holiday season. So I glued a mistletoe to my back pocket!!

   First the dead birs in Arkansas, now the 2 million dead fish in Maryland. Are we in a Michael Bay disaster movie?

   These liberty tax male lady liberty people on the side of the road make me happy I'm not them.

   going ice fishing in my neighbor's fish tank. Yep, its that cold.

   Talking Sh1t is harder now with Google out there.