Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Will too much skin lightening cream turn you invisible?

   When you get to the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on. Then start swinging. Make it hard for them to hit a moving target.

   voices!!!! screamin in my head dont lead the path that I tread!

   Some people should shove sticks up their a*ses like lollipops cause they are nothing but f**king suckers!

   You can get your appetite elsewhere, as long as you eat at home.

   Blackouts are God's way of saying, "WTF, even I don't want to remember last night!"

   Sober is the new BUZZ!!

   'Wish you would jump off from that ledge my friend, You could cut ties with all the lies that youve been living in' I would understand!!

   Updating your status at the gym burns a lot of calories.

   Everyone around me Getting Married OR Pregnant, But am getting DRUNK!

   I didn't realize Toyota was so LGBT friendly, but apparently the Tundra comes with an aluminum tranny.

   just made a Peanut Butter sandwich with some cashews. It was nuts

   Prove that lightning isn't wizards fighting. You can't.

   i wonder if Bruce Wayne calls it his "batman cave" or his "bat 'man cave' "

   nog steeds lekker vakantie

   Dear son, Another hard year on the farm. Father had a stroke, bills are piling up. Are you famous on facebook yet? We are proud of you! -mom

   does anyone wanna break my no sex record?!

   She told me a little bit of soda would take the stain out of my white shirt,im guessing she didnt mean grape soda!!!

   With Valentine's Day a week away does anyone know of a good Cemetery I can get flowers at .....??

   hanging out with his friends Mike Rotch and Jenny Talia.