Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon Will he stay or will he go? Seems like President Mubarak must have the same publicist as Carmelo Anthony...
←Rate | 02-10-2011 14:08 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Don't give me this, "Just because I accepted your friend request, it doesn't mean I'm going to sleep with you" stuff. If I had wanted to sleep with you, it would've happened already.
←Rate | 04-02-2017 11:50 by Mick Comments (0)  


   messageicon Oh good YouPorn put up all their Easter themed porn.
←Rate | 04-03-2017 00:11 by Zinc Comments (0)  


   messageicon I downloaded an APP to do my taxes. I hope it hurries.....It's running out of time........
←Rate | 04-16-2017 17:17 Comments (0)  


   messageicon So, someone stole my credit card number last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That sums up my day....you?
←Rate | 05-05-2017 01:22 Comments (0)  


   messageicon rare sighting of me by a neighbor
←Rate | 05-22-2017 03:03 Comments (0)  


   messageicon it me, or is *** an annoying prick for all his incomplete jokes? Go away *** you bother me!
←Rate | 08-11-2017 17:39 Comments (1)  


   messageicon I have a nutache
←Rate | 08-17-2017 16:35 Comments (1)  


   messageicon Are we removing all the statues of generals who lost in war...Cuz I got General insurance and I want that removed too
←Rate | 08-19-2017 16:58 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Lactose intolerance is said to be the primary cause of a cheesy combustible.
←Rate | 09-14-2017 19:28 by MichaeltheItalian Comments (0)  


   messageicon Yes I took a knee before the game on Sunday. It took three people and a promise of a chocolate chip cookie to get me back on my feet again.
←Rate | 09-25-2017 15:57 by LarryBaker Comments (0)  


   messageicon Didn't know Dolphins do coke. Do they turn their heads upside down?
←Rate | 10-09-2017 21:06 Comments (0)  


   messageicon When a wife's deadbeat husband died. She had him cremated and his ashes placed in a 24 hour, hour-glass. He's now working 24/7 for eternity.
←Rate | 10-12-2017 02:28 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon My wife after pulling weeds… I want a goat
←Rate | 07-27-2020 08:34 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I’m at the “my 7 yr old gave himself a hickey on his arm” part of the parenting journey. Hashtag blessed.
←Rate | 07-27-2020 08:36 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Geez I shouldn't have clicked on that flying drone ad as now my news feed is filled with a million different kinds of drones for sale :/
←Rate | 07-27-2020 17:21 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm so old I just sit around and look at Facebook all day.... like younger people do nowadays.
←Rate | 09-12-2020 22:25 by moon Comments (0)  


   messageicon My doctor says I need to cut back on my gluten. Over my bread body!
←Rate | 09-16-2020 00:51 by moon Comments (0)  


   messageicon I have unrealistic expectations of my anti aging cream
←Rate | 01-06-2021 08:38 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Wonder how many wife's the guy who giving marriage tips has gone through?
←Rate | 02-07-2021 20:37 Comments (0)  




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