Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 32 of 6389
Sign at 7 eleven, gas is 7.11, “the prophecy has been fulfilled.”
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06-19-2022 02:36
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When someone gets loud with you and you’re considering unleashing every single one of your inner demons.
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07-04-2022 02:59
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Remember kids, don't play with fireworks. Have the adults who have been drinking all day set them off. Happy 4th of July!
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07-04-2022 02:59
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A friend asked me to play the part of Brutus in an upcoming play about Julius Caesar. I told him that I would take a stab at it.
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06-26-2022 22:17
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What did the fisherman say to the magician? Pick a cod, any cod.
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07-08-2022 09:07
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Come on hurricanes, get with the climate change program.
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08-08-2024 01:49
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I loved being in my 20’s. A whole decade of being in my physical prime and mental rock bottom, what a dynamic.
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05-09-2022 17:22
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Her: So, I slept with 3 guys before I met you. Him: Omg Karen, I was only 20 minutes late.
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06-18-2022 00:53
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Sorry I sprayed WD-40 in your mouth, but it did stop that noise you were making.
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06-21-2022 00:10
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Social media has made too many of you comfortable with disrespecting people and not getting punched in the mouth for it.
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07-23-2022 00:00
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Apologize when you’re wrong. Stop looking for quotes that support your stupidity.
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04-11-2022 02:17
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Just when you feel like humanity is finally waking up, the last two psyops proved 99% are still asleep.
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04-04-2022 05:34
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Right or wrong, make a choice. Life is paved with flat squirrels who couldn’t decide.
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04-17-2022 00:51
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Chris Wallace is having daily breakdowns over CNN+ sucking so bad.
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04-20-2022 12:27
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When she’s sleeping…. Take her eyelashes off and make her a mustache with them. Follow me for more relationship advice.
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04-22-2022 23:23
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90’s Psychopath = 2020’s Gender fluid mainstream progressive.
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01-08-2023 16:32
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Don’t be sad that your flight has a 7 hour delay, be grateful for your 30 dollar 2 inch sub sandwich.
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07-18-2022 01:30
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Just burned 2,000 calories. That’s the last time I leave brownies in the oven whilst I slumber in yon bedchamber.
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05-22-2022 03:40
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Heads up guys, there are some real weirdos in this group. Someone messaged me to meet them in the woods for a naked Satanic ritual and then they didn’t even show up.
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06-16-2022 03:21
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You’d be surprised how quickly employees will assist you after you try to start a chainsaw.
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06-24-2022 00:52
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