cj Funny Status Messages

   Make love, not war. Hell, do both, GET MARRIED!

   You should get out of any relationship where you secretly hope the other person is kidnapped and held for a ransom you can't pay.

   Pretending that the laser pointer app on your phone tells you if your kid brushed his teeth good enough..priceless!

   It was a woman who drove me to drink, and I never had the courtesy to thank her for it.

   FOR SALE BY OWNER: Complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica, 45 volumes. Excellent Condition. $1,000 or best offer. No longer needed, got married last month. Wife knows everything."

   I don't have a problem with caffeine. I have a problem without caffeine!

   I don't get drunk .. I get AWESOME!!

   One thing they never tell you about child raising is that for the rest of your life, at the drop of a hat, you are expected to know your child's name and how old he or she is.

   The greatest pleasure in life is doing what people say you cannot do.

   LOVE ~ It's a special kind of stupid.....

   If I ever get rich, I hope I'm not real mean to poor people, like I am now.

   Money Isn't Everything, But It Sure Keeps The Kids In Touch.

   May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house

   Just because I liked your status, doesn't mean I actually read it. More to make you feel like someone actually cares about what you have to say.

   When I open my eyes every morning I pray to God that everyone should have a friend like you.... Why should only I suffer!!!

   I lost a friend overnight, It was very sudden. There must be a reason, but I can't for the life of me think what it might be. Now they're gone. Yesterday I had 583 friends, now only 582 I hope everyone reads this far before they say "sorry for your loss"

   Why is it that people say they “slept like a baby” when babies wake up like every two hours?

   Dear sweatpants and hoodies: thanks for being there for me. Sincerely, sexy and I know it, but too lazy to show it!!

   After twelve years of therapy my psychiatrist said something that brought tears to my eyes. He said, 'No hablo ingles.'

   So put that in your juice box and suck it!