snotty Funny Status Messages
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People who think they can run away from their problems have obviously never farted on a treadmill.
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11-01-2016 07:45 by snotty
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Can you imagine the pressure Morgan Freeman's mom felt reading him a bedtime story?
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11-01-2016 17:54 by snotty
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In these trying times, I want to find good in this world so here goes,,,,, I am extremely grateful that Cap'n Crunch leaves far more gently than it enters.
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11-12-2016 08:48 by snotty
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My dad's decided to NOT move to Canada,,, He says he's "Angry",,, but not, "Learn the Metric System" angry..
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11-18-2016 18:13 by snotty
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LITTLE KNOWN FACT: After the umbilical cord has been cut,, a nurse spanks the baby for being uninsured.
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11-18-2016 21:33 by snotty
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The recipe said "prick with a fork,",,,, but enough about me.
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11-04-2016 19:16 by snotty
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Well tonight's date night for me and the wife I certainly hope we don't run into each other
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07-13-2016 22:28 by Snotty
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I got a Go Fund Me Account so I can afford Avocado on all my sandwiches
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07-25-2016 20:01 by Snotty
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I also think it's adorable how their putting jokes on the sides of snacks now. .. Like listen to this one, ,,"serving size 3 cookies "
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07-30-2016 13:38 by snotty
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I'm beginning to think that this election scenario has turned into our own version of the "Kobayashi Maru"
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08-01-2016 11:26 by snotty
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My autocorrect just changed "hiatus" to "hi anus" on this email subject line to my boss, so I guess I don't work here anymore.
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08-01-2016 12:00 by Snotty
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10 Ways to Put Me in a Better Mood... 1: Get... 2: Your... 3: Slow-ass... 4: Car... 5: Out... 6: Of... 7: The... 8: Frigging... 9: Left... 10: Lane
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08-11-2016 18:16 by Snotty
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Honey,, Why do these IKEA sofa instructions show a hammer, two allen keys and a divorce lawyer's office?
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09-10-2016 18:41 by Snotty
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One thing I've learned about women is they prefer that I don't speak
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03-19-2016 18:29 by Snotty
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I personally prefer Right Twix because I don't agree with Left Twix's stance on crumb control.
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11-05-2016 13:00 by snotty
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"Please stop being mean" - Me 3 seconds in to a rap battle
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11-14-2016 01:06 by snotty
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I'm still waiting for the ability to call the car in front of me & tell the driver to pull her head out of his ass... Where are we on this technology?
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07-28-2016 20:34 by Snotty
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I think I'll go to the playground so I can enjoy a relaxing afternoon of screaming at my kids for screaming
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07-30-2016 13:33 by snotty
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Remember,,, When one door opens, another one opens, and then another, and another.... Because kids.
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08-01-2016 11:49 by Snotty
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*shines flashlight under chin... 'And the phones were attached to the walls and didn't have cameras'.... *teenagers scream. Two pass out
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10-04-2016 17:35 by Snotty
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