Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   You’ll repeat what you don’t repair.

   There is no cloud, it’s just someone else’s computer. 😐

   If you’re 50+ it’s time to leave them young girls alone and get yourself a woman that recognizes the signs of a stroke.

   The problem with trouble shooting is that trouble shoots back.

   Happiness ~ is a cabin on 800 acres, 3 lakes, two mountains and no neighbors.

   The key to happiness? Stay away from idiots.

   Coffee so strong, that for like 4 minutes you have hope.

   Facebook reaction emoji’s look a lot like a relationship from start to finish. Like, Love, Ha-Ha, Wow, Crying, Angry.

   If your voice held no power, they wouldn’t try to silence you.

   Her: You remind me of the sea. Him: Because I’m wild, romantic and exciting? Her: No, because you make me sick.

   Dating is a great way remind yourself that dying alone isn’t that bad.

   Never follow anyone else’s path. Unless you’re in the woods and you’re lost and you see a path. Then by all means follow that path.

   The fact that people were hoarding toilet paper proves one thing. Humanity is full of crap.

   Sometimes I make posts set to “only me.” That stuff is between me and the Feds.

   Your call is very important to us, please hold while we disconnect your call. ~ AT&T

   You think you’ve got it rough? Imagine being a trapeze artist with diarrhea.

   Your spouse is the best person to share secrets with. They’ll never tell anyone, because they’re not even listening.

   Aside from “life is short,” what other spurts of insanity do you use before making bad decisions?

   Got a new book, “How to make gasoline at home.”

   When she’s telling you all about her problems. Sounds like you need some D.