Goodeolboy Funny Status Messages

   Today is the worst day ever! (wait for the "what's wrong?" reply. Then post "Today, I finished off the Thanksgiving leftovers".

   "Toats Mcgoats!!!!!"

   At this stage of the football season, all I care about is #s and food.

   I'm currently killing a twelve pack, and every squirrel within fifty yards of my porch. Love me some Saturdays.

   Wish life could be simple like the good ol' days. Like page 756!

   Today's lunch: Redman and Dr. Pepper..slimy yet satisfying.

   Well, it's 12:30pm and I have seven dollar bills to my name. I guess it's that age old question: Lunch? Or Lotto scratchers.

   ...it's ok that it's not movie quality!.

   An elephant is a mouse built to government specifications.

   Why is it when I'm on my lunch break my wall is hella quiet. Then from 12:30 to 3:30 all sorts of drama happens...jerks, I wanna be in the loop!

   Teach me to fish...With the price of fishing licences, it would be cheaper to just buy the little b@stards!

   If I ever get caught soliciting a prostitute, I'm going to say "These aren't the droids I've been looking for!".

   The only phrase I remember growing up was, "Don't put your hands back there!".

   Wow..Thought I just seen a cool bass boat next to me, turns out to be a 64 Impala!

   I guess I'm still butt-hurt over that bad call back in '83 during a game of dodgeball. That fricken Jenny Harden was out by a mile...

   Hey FB friend, the only time I've acknowledged you ever was thirty seconds after I accepted your friend request I scanned through your photos with negative results.

   Okay, Brand, Michael Jackson didn't come over to my house to use the bathroom. But his sister did!

   As a Truck Driver, let me say after several days of mid 90 degree temps, beaver season is in full swing.

   Just heard on the news we're still waiting on news of the falling satellite. Anyone know where Bruce Willis is?

   Personally, I'd like to see Gillette come out with an eight-ply roll of toilette paper.