DeeX Funny Status Messages
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Everyone else's plans for pretty weekends: "I'm going to the lake" "I'm hanging at the pool" "We're going to the park for a picnic" And I'm just over here like "I'm gonna eat a waffle."
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06-29-2013 12:02 by DeeX
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Has Al Sharpton's presence EVER made anything better?
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05-04-2015 07:59 by DeeX
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A friend of mine asked if I was coming to her wedding. I said no, I'll catch the next one. She's mad at me now.
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03-28-2013 10:58 by DeeX
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The difference between "fetish" and "felony" is checking beforehand
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05-08-2015 05:47 by DeeX
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I'm so glad television redefined the word "marathon" to mean the exact opposite of physical exercise.
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03-19-2015 04:31 by DeeX
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Women claim to not care for looks as much as guys do but I doubt they'll go see Magic Mike or 50 Shades or Gray if it starred Steve Buscemi and Seth Rogan.
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02-06-2015 04:59 by DeeX
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Hey A-Rod, will you sign my syringe???
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08-06-2013 00:12 by DeeX
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Everyones like "George Zimmerman this, no justice that" I'm just over here like, "I'm gonna eat a popsicle."
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07-13-2013 22:30 by DeeX
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Her: "Now, I'm going to go to the bathroom and take off my 1 pound of makeup, high heels, push-up bra, colored contacts and 3/4 of my hair and then we're going to talk about YOU being more honest."
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11-25-2014 05:17 by DeeX
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I think it's funny how women that love expensive things give themselves away for next to nothing.
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07-12-2013 11:33 by DeeX
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Anyone else find it odd that on Star Trek, when they say "to boldly go where no one has gone before", when they get there, they always meet someone?
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03-30-2013 16:52 by DeeX
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I'm not sure if Internet p@rn has really ruined any relationships but I'm sure it's ruined some keyboards.
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03-28-2013 16:11 by DeeX
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Anal bleaching; because you never get a second chance to make a first impression.
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07-14-2014 12:00 by DeeX
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I'm not a father, but I have been called "daddy" a few times.
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06-21-2015 03:32 by DeeX
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If your religion is worth killing for, please start with yourself.
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05-05-2015 07:13 by DeeX
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I think every Taco Bell value meal should be called a "Number 2".
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02-11-2014 23:57 by DeeX
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The fact that Gordon Ramsay hasn't been gutted yet is all the proof I need to know that his show is staged.
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05-29-2015 05:52 by DeeX
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It seems like I can have any woman I DON'T want.
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12-22-2013 15:12 by DeeX
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Some days, you just gotta remind yourself "Stab'em below the waist and it's only assault, NOT attempted murder."
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12-24-2013 11:36 by DeeX
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Whitney Houston found dead in the tub, her daughter found unresponsive in a bathtub, maybe that family should start taking showers.
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02-05-2015 17:44 by DeeX
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