Funny Status Messages

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   messageicon Damninos the favorite game in hell?
←Rate | 12-16-2018 18:35 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Trump, the guy who spent eight years trying to delegitimize Obama's presidency with a birther lie, is upset that people are trying to delegitimize his presidency with the truth.
←Rate | 12-16-2018 15:52 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I want a Home Alone movie where the Wet Bandits would slowly torture and murder Buzz. That tub of lard deserves it.
←Rate | 12-16-2018 15:42 by Truman Comments (0)  

   messageicon Growing up, all I wanted was Girls Gone Wild. As an adult, I ended up with Bills Gone Wild
←Rate | 12-16-2018 14:26 by topherboy1981 Comments (0)  

   messageicon My dog just attacked the pizza delivery man. WHY ARE MY BEST FRIENDS FIGHTING????
←Rate | 12-16-2018 09:44 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Don’t tell me I can do anything I set my mind to. You don’t know me.
←Rate | 12-16-2018 09:39 Comments (0)  

   messageicon What do people who send out family Christmas cards want from us?
←Rate | 12-16-2018 09:35 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  

   messageicon People tell me that I have a unique way of lighting up a room. It's called arson and those people are called witnesses.
←Rate | 12-16-2018 08:34 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Never forget your family... they're the real enemies.
←Rate | 12-16-2018 08:34 Comments (0)  

   messageicon In Greek mythology, Athena kept an owl on her blindside so she could always see the whole truth. I knew I was missing something.
←Rate | 12-16-2018 08:31 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Scientists need to put cancer aside and find a cure for country music first.
←Rate | 12-16-2018 08:29 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  

   messageicon In the future Frosty the puddle, will take the place of Frosty the snowman,
←Rate | 12-16-2018 06:20 Comments (0)  

   messageicon "Do not touch" must be one of the scariest things to read in braille.
←Rate | 12-16-2018 05:24 by Joker Comments (0)  

   messageicon I left the FrisbeeIsm cult. They just used circular reasoning.
←Rate | 12-15-2018 19:06 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I'll never understand those baby on board signs? Like thanks for letting me know as I was just about to purposely ram my car into yours for absolutely no apparent reason until I saw your sign!
←Rate | 12-15-2018 18:19 by Moon Comments (4)  

   messageicon My parents have been attending their own personal Ugly Christmas Sweater Party every holiday season since 1985.
←Rate | 12-15-2018 14:11 by Zinc Comments (0)  

   messageicon If you like christmas so much why don’t you merry it
←Rate | 12-15-2018 14:07 by Zinc Comments (0)  

   messageicon Any tree can be a Christmas tree if you yell at your family around it.
←Rate | 12-15-2018 13:51 by Zinc Comments (0)  

   messageicon Have yourself a merry little christmas sounds pretty condescending - Jennifer Lopez
←Rate | 12-15-2018 13:50 by Zinc Comments (0)  

   messageicon I like it when my wife makes Christmas shopping easy. This year she said she wants a gun, Duct tape, some rope, and a large sturdy bag. Can't wait to see what she gets me!
←Rate | 12-15-2018 08:46 by vaterpop Comments (0)  


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