Funny Status Messages
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Does a white man using chopsticks to eat count as cultural appropriation? 
Donald Trump is making America read again.
First rule of Fast Food management: Always put the employee with the worst accent on the drive-thru.
Every loaf of bread is a tragic story about a field of grain that could have become beer but didn't.
If Trump is doing such a horrible job,,, then why is Obama trying to take credit for it?? Asking for a friend...
Can trump's wall be called an accent wall since it will keep people with accents out?
The NFL has determined that we will follow the 1 Mississippi, 2 Mississippi,..... rule before allowing defenders to tackle quarterbacks.
i bought an awesome watch the other day, It was waterproof, shockproof, fireproof, bulletproof, acidproof, childproof & scratchproof. I lost it.
Trump's handing out packages of hot dogs, peas, and applesauce, with a have a good time in N.C. is an up grade from his paper towel hand out in Puerto Rico.
There's a big difference between a wise guy and a wise man...
Hot dogs, peas and applesauce, hum hum.... Hot dogs, peas, and applesauce, hum hum.
With Dobbs, Hannity and Pirro as advisors. No wonder he is doing a bad job.
Any Tiger Woods fans here?
Whenever I played the piano when I was a kid, my dog would howl. Eventually getting fed up with the dog's howling. My dad said for goodness sakes, can you play something the dog does't know.
Never trust a person who doesn't sing along to Bohemian rhapsody when it comes on the radio!
I'm not the sort of person who is in a position to cast the first stone, but I sure as hell will cast the second one.
In a crowded room I like to let out a silent but deadly fart then shout "do I smell popcorn" so everyone gets a good whiff!
ATTENTION!!! Heavy rain is on the forecast this week, please use permanent markers for your eyebrows.
[Breaking News]
Australian strawberries found in Salisbury!
As a New Yorker " aight bet " could mean " I totally agree with you" or possibly your life is in danger