Funny Status Messages

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   messageicon I'll take a psycho serial killer any day than an immigrant who wants to live here peacefully and contribute to society.
←Rate | 01-23-2018 13:56 Comments (0)  

   messageicon You democrats need to start mixing your tide pods with redbull and make clean energy .
←Rate | 01-23-2018 12:55 Comments (0)  

   messageicon If a guy comes out as bisexual, he automatically unlocks a new virginity.
←Rate | 01-23-2018 09:40 Comments (0)  

   messageicon You said I Love you forever… But why don’t you said about when your “forever” starts to end… I’m here and crying, everyday baby.. I wonder even you too crying for me or not… I couldn’t forget your face which you showed me on your last good
←Rate | 01-23-2018 08:24 by @iamsirajarifeen Comments (0)  

   messageicon According to physics heat makes matter expand.....therefore I don't have a weight problem....I'm just hot
←Rate | 01-23-2018 04:53 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Love games although I hate scrabble, I hate scrabble so much I can't put it into words. Hate is a strong word... hated is stronger... worth more points.
←Rate | 01-22-2018 23:57 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Today my yoga teacher was really drunk, which put me in an awkward position.
←Rate | 01-22-2018 23:52 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I don't see anything wrong with a kidnapping. If a kid wants to take a nap, let them.
←Rate | 01-22-2018 21:19 by Jake Comments (0)  

   messageicon One day you'll just be a memory. So make it a good one.
←Rate | 01-22-2018 21:16 by Justathought Comments (0)  

   messageicon Whife ask what's the thing about a bj. I said the five minutes of silence.
←Rate | 01-22-2018 20:17 by Jake Comments (1)  

   messageicon The difference between broccoli and boogers. Kids won't eat broccoli.
←Rate | 01-22-2018 20:14 by Jake Comments (0)  

   messageicon I just got the strangest BJ ever. It was... you ever see that cartoon where a chicken is trying to yank a worm out of the ground kinda like a tug of war?
←Rate | 01-22-2018 17:38 by Hen-Ree Comments (0)  

   messageicon Question of the day: Do people eat Tide Pods because Trump is president, or is Trump president because people are dumb enough to eat Tide Pods?
←Rate | 01-22-2018 16:46 Comments (3)  

   messageicon Have a system for making long distance phone calls. The family and friends plan. I go to a friends house and use their phone to call my family.
←Rate | 01-22-2018 12:52 by Jake Comments (1)  

   messageicon The only way a person can lose is if he doesn't try and according to my wife, I'm one of the most trying person she has ever known.
←Rate | 01-22-2018 07:59 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Amazing fact #362: The first testicular guard, the "Cup," was used in Hockey in 1874 and the NHL first started requiring helmets in 1974. That means it only took 100 years for men to realize that their brain is also important.
←Rate | 01-22-2018 07:58 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I almost got raped in jail once. My family takes Monopoly way too seriously.
←Rate | 01-22-2018 07:54 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I need a bumper sticker that says "Sorry for driving so close in front of you."
←Rate | 01-22-2018 07:53 Comments (0)  

   messageicon The nice thing about being married is you finally know who the number one suspect in your murder case will be.
←Rate | 01-22-2018 07:52 Comments (0)  

   messageicon BEEP! -Zebra walking past a self-service checkout.
←Rate | 01-22-2018 07:30 Comments (0)  


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