Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon When you see your-self as Robin Hood, Prince of Jokes. Stealing from group to feed another, spreading joy across the land.
←Rate | 01-08-2023 15:25 Comments (0)  


   messageicon It’s called a joke, we used to tell them before people got drunk on soymilk.
←Rate | 01-08-2023 15:07 Comments (0)  


   messageicon When you tear out a man’s tongue, you are not proving him a liar, you’re telling the world you fear what he might say.
←Rate | 01-08-2023 14:50 Comments (0)  


   messageicon CDC: Covid is more deadly when people are obese. Gov: “Close The Gyms!”
←Rate | 01-08-2023 14:40 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Doctor Doggo: “Hmmm…. I see. Have you tried barking at nothing? That might help.”
←Rate | 01-08-2023 12:09 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Hey Lay's Potato Chips, you forgot to list "air" under the ingredients... thanks for nothing!
←Rate | 01-08-2023 07:42 Comments (0)  


   messageicon 30 years later and millions of Cabbage Patch Kids still have no clue they were adopted.
←Rate | 01-08-2023 07:37 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Husband’s at Costco and sending me pics of beef stroganoff in a pouch. That’s enough excitement for one night.
←Rate | 01-08-2023 07:06 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My landlord is pissed off at me for being naked in the front yard…and now he just asked me to leave his cookout.
←Rate | 01-08-2023 07:02 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I don’t wanna last longer in bed, I got post coital jokes.
←Rate | 01-08-2023 07:02 Comments (0)  


   messageicon For about 2 seconds, when you run a red light, it’s like you stole your own car.
←Rate | 01-08-2023 07:02 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The valet at the park washroom isn’t wearing pants, should I tip more or less
←Rate | 01-08-2023 07:01 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I’d take the high road if it weren’t for the debilitating vertigo.
←Rate | 01-08-2023 07:00 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Family bike ride? Sure, that sounds great! Just give me 2-3 hours to pump up all of these bike tires and we’ll be on our way!
←Rate | 01-08-2023 06:59 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The Left released Trump’s tax returns, and nobody cares.
←Rate | 01-08-2023 03:08 Comments (0)  


   messageicon They said, “Californy is the place we gotta flee,” so they loaded up the truck and moved back to Tennessee.
←Rate | 01-08-2023 02:55 Comments (0)  


   messageicon FBI, CIA, DOJ: We have investigated ourselves and found ourselves to be innocent.
←Rate | 01-08-2023 02:48 Comments (0)  


   messageicon When your friend is getting beat up by banditos, but you remember his welcome refugees post.
←Rate | 01-08-2023 02:38 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Friendly reminder to put all current boyfriends and girlfriends at the edge of family photos so that they and easily be cropped out later.
←Rate | 01-08-2023 02:10 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Research has shown that laughing for two minutes is just as healthy as a twenty-minute jog. Now I’m sitting at the park, laughing at all the joggers.
←Rate | 01-08-2023 01:43 Comments (0)  




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