Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   i walked in to my local hardware store after work a member of staff asked if I wanted decking, I quickly got the first punch in before he had chance

   -- I come from a long line of Conga dancers.....

   Have you ever been on an elevator talking to someone (about nothing top secret really) and when anyone else walks in; everyone shuts up? Such a strange phenomenon...

   ٩(•̮̮̃•̃)۶ ٩(-̮̮̃-̃)۶ ٩(●̮̮̃•̃)۶ ٩(͡๏̯͡๏)۶ ٩(-̮̮̃•̃)۶ YIPPEE!!

   thinks it was irresponsible for the Cox Candy Company to make a lollipop. Who would walk into a candy store and ask for a Cox Sucker?

   ((̲̅ ̲̅(̲̅C̲̅r̲̅a̲̅y̲̅o̲̅l̲̲̅̅a̲̅( ̲̅̅((>

   ║▌║█║▌║▌││║▌║█║▌│║▌║█║▌║▌││║▌║ *ZAP* *BEEP* Price: $7.95

   dont forget to turn your clocks back this weekend, i'm turning mine back to 1970 when we had no illegal immigrants

   Time for spring break!! *̡͌l̡*͡͡͡ ͡I _ ͇๐ےﮯ̡ *

   Go to Google. Type in "Ewmew Fudd". Click "I'm feeling lucky". You're welcome.

   ♬ ♫ ♪ ılıll|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|̲̅̅=̲̅̅|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|llılı ♪ ♫ ♬♪♫ Rock On \,,\(^_^)/,,/

   ̿̿̿ ̿' ̿'̵͇̿̿з=(•̪●)=ε/̵͇̿̿/'̿'̿ ̿ this is a stick-up... give me ALL yo [̲̅$̲̅(̲̅1̲̅)̲̅$̲̅]!

   If everyday is a gift, then where's her reciept. She would like to exchange Monday for Satruday

   ★ just call me tootsie.. because you know how I roll ★ - Magean Brents

   "you should change your name to LEGO cuz your about to get BLOCKED!!:!"- Magean L. Brents

   The cows in the meadow go moo the cows in the meadow go moo and then along comes a farmer and whacks them in the head. and that's how we get Hamburger

   "Maturity is simply the wisdom to determine da right time to be a kid and da right time to be an adult."

   "Few men have d natural strength to honour a friend's success without envy."

   "if you dont expect anything, you wont be let down"- Magean Brents

   Every bar bathroom should have a cupholder.