Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I'm busier than a one-toothed man in a corn-on-the-cob eating contest.

   In an argument, a woman always has the last word. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

   Wishing all a Happy Easter, and hoping the Easter Bunny craps out a huge chocolate filled egg for you!-)

   I got some new underwear yesterday. Well, they were new to me.

   Never go to bed angry, stay awake and plot your revenge.

   Do not follow, for I may not lead. Do not lead, for I may not follow. Just go over there somewhere, please?

   God wisely designed the human body so that we can neither pat our own backs nor kick ourselves too easily.

   Spell SWIMS upside down... this is going to blow your mind!

   When you think all the way back to being sperm, we are all winners.

   Butterflies in the belly and weak knees...The 2 best feeling in the world!

   to quit looking at my status

   "As I said before,I never repeat myself"

   Your chick so easy a caveman can do it! ~t.white~

   a boy walked in on his mom and dad having sex. His dad said "we're making you a brother/sister" the boy replies "do her doggie style, I'd rather have a puppie"

   Oh April Fool's day, where everyone teeter-totters between brilliance and insanity. Welcome to my World!!

   has lowered his expectations to the point where they've already been met.

   had better get to work. these scissors aren't going to run with themselves...

   likes to think that when she squishes a spider, its final thought is, "Good. Being a spider is miserable."

   National Atheist's Day April 1st

   Sorry, I've just been taken by surprise, am not sure when he'll bring me back.