Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Kids can't read the Bible in school, but are encouraged to read it in prison. Maybe if we allowed them to read it in school, they might never end up in prison.

   Life expectancy would grow by leaps and bounds if green vegetables smelled as good as bacon.

   "Government is like a baby: An alimentary canal with a big appetite at one end and no sense of responsibility at the other."

   Just because a path is well traveled does not mean it is the right way.

   What's orange and sounds like a parrot? A carrot.

   why do some people insist on writing out their check even when the cashier says its electronic withdrawal and they'll get their check back instantly, and theres a long line... waiting??

   if I had a beer for everytime you were gay, i'd be like really really drunk

   right now am kinda having that "awkward moment when Robert Green asks you to play catch with him!!! ಠ_ಠ !"

   Next time you pull up to a BP station, say, "I'll have whatever the pelicans are having."

   One thing's for sure: Palin did not have brain implants!!

   Do fathers who live in barns say to their kids "Open that door! What do you live in a regular house?"

   When you have a good imagination, you can make up all the facts you want.

   Steve Gerrard "The whole team is behind Rob Green". In retrospect, that's a good place to stand from now on

   Taco bell should sell pink taco for breast cancer awareness month

   - Like Kermit says, "It isn't easy being Rob Green"

   if you can't say ridiculous things with a straight face, there's probably no room in management for you.

   I think that good friend is worth pursuing, but why would a good friend be running away?

   looking for a sports channel that shows the football world cup.,, all is see is soccer match!?

   $50 & going on a shopping spree at the 99¢ store!!!

   my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.