Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 5743 of 6384
Don't teach your children the value of a dollar because if they find out , they'll ask for two.
glad McDonald's doesn't have hotdogs, she doesn't think she could order a McWeiner with a straight face.
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07-30-2010 11:52
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I drink to make other people interesting...
wonders how people who work in BubbleWrap factories get ANY work done at all.
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07-30-2010 11:28
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If the world really was going to end in 2012, the bankers would find some way to "stall" it....they ain't going to let people get away with not paying their 25 year mortgages.
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07-30-2010 10:54 by collin
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I wish it sounded less gay when I said at last nights BBQ that "i'm craving a wiener." oh well, live and learn.
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07-30-2010 10:53
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Today's status is brought to you by the letters T G I F...
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07-30-2010 09:35
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spotted a few cornballs on his friends list...
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07-30-2010 09:26
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Whats the first? That little drop of water that makes it back up in there before you can squeeze it shut.
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07-30-2010 08:15
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whats the second quickest thing in the world? Your butthole closing after letting go of a turd.
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07-30-2010 08:14
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has performed extensive experiments in the shed and can scientifically conclude that a cat has only one life.
How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?
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07-30-2010 07:08
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Just saw a commerical for the snuggie, I thought it was a stupid idea but I couldnt change the channel because my arms would get cold
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07-30-2010 00:54
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a certain sign of who will wear the pants suit in your marriage is when the wedding reception has a Vegan menu and a gluten-free cake!
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07-30-2010 00:32 by smeebert
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microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes
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07-29-2010 23:11
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what's the point in knocking when you can just text someone that you're outside their house.
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07-29-2010 22:34
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I thought the show was called "Blue's Clues", not "Weird White Dude With A Bowl Cut Hogging Up The TV".
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07-29-2010 22:27 by Sharon
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9 out of 10 people believe that out of 10 people 1 will disagree with the other 9
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07-29-2010 22:09 by Lacey
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when your sitting at redlight, surrounded by people. Do you toss your McD's bag, old paper work and junk mail out the window? No?..then why the hell do you flick your half smoked cig out, like its acceptable behavior?! You jagoffs!!
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07-29-2010 21:20
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The witch in Hansel and Gretel, she's very misunderstood. I mean, the woman builds her dream house, and these brats come along, and start eating it.