Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 5743 of 6446

The thing I miss most about being a kid is having the ability to fall asleep nearly anywhere and it's still socially acceptable.
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08-21-2010 11:38
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Whenever you're talking to someone who is really attractive, the odds of you doing something stupid are multiplied by 100.
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08-21-2010 11:36
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It bothers me that one day a future generation with all-digital textbooks will look back and laugh at us for having to carry 40-pound backpacks in high school.
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08-21-2010 11:33
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My grocery store is trying to be more eco-friendly by lowering the amount of plastic bags used. Great, but perhaps we can start by not giving me a foot-long receipt every time of buy a bag of Doritos.
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08-21-2010 11:31
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The scariest part of the show “I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant” is that there are enough of these women to sustain an entire series.
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08-21-2010 11:28
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Sometimes I'd rather be home by myself then have to hang out with my friend's friends.
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08-21-2010 11:26
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You do not need a clock to know that you overslept 3 hours for that important meeting. When you wake up, something in the air just screams "You are SO f*cked."
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08-21-2010 11:25
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I want to kick somebody's a$$, somewhere in the world, who works in a glitter factory.
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08-21-2010 11:21
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Either way, I'm still going to be laying on the couch and watching TV all day, but if I can hear it raining outside I somehow feel a lot less lazy.
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08-21-2010 11:19
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It'll be weird when names like Heather and Ashley are old people names.
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08-21-2010 11:18
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anyone else as apprehensive about throwing out a shoebox as I am?
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08-21-2010 11:16
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The first person who was used for a silhouette must have been ridiculously ugly. "Woah, change of plans. Instead of a portrait, how about we just take the shadow of your face?"
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08-21-2010 11:03
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Making all day plans on the weekend always sounds fantastic. Right up until the time my alarm goes off and I remember I hate getting up early on weekends and I don't really like other people.
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08-21-2010 10:22
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Shouldn't they be called salt and pepper shakees? I do all the work and they get all the credit. I'm the f*cking shaker!
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08-21-2010 10:21
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Whenever I'm driving, and someone lets me go in front of them, I always feel the need to go as fast as possible, so they don't regret their decision. I won't let you down, Mr. Mercedes Man, I won't let you down.
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08-21-2010 10:19
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Whenever I choose to go down the stairs next to a crowded escalator, I feel the need to move faster than the escalator to prove to the people on board that I made the better decision.
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08-21-2010 10:12
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The best thing about this day? I haven't been fired. The worst thing about this day? I'm still working here.
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08-21-2010 09:40
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GOP = Greed Over Patriotism
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08-21-2010 09:33
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I really want to know why Newton discovered gravity when he saw an apple falling. He used to sh*t and I'm sure it didn't fly.
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08-21-2010 09:09
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One day you're gonna ask me whose life is more important? Yours or mine, I will say mine and you'll walk away never knowing you are my life.
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08-21-2010 09:08
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