Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   : Twists and Turns and yet NO Lessons Learned!!!! :(

   ts always hard waiting for something that you want but whats even harder is knowing its everything youve always wanted

   Live as if your were to die tomorrow. Learn as if you were to live forever.

   born to party forced to study

   If steak and B.J. day isn't a real holiday, than neither Is ''daughter day.''

   ...Tila Tequila denies sex tape rumors. Good. When most Asians talk about doggie-style it usually means how they want their dinner prepared!

   going to live forever or die trying.

   Thumbnail pics. Helping ugly people look hot until you click on them since 1995.

   Woohoo! Just got my new class ring. I hope I don't lose THIS one in a cheerleader!

   is the lime in your Corona!

   If people lived like there was no tomorrow. I'm sure everyone would be at church right now

   If blow jobs were this popular 25 years ago. I might not be here today

   Just met the girl of my dreams and then I woke up

   Note to Self: when going on the first date, must make sure that both parties have the same understanding of what "eating out " means.

   Like Buttons: for people too lazy to post a comment.

   Not to doubt the power of fortune cookies, but I think a better fortune would of been you are about to choke on this cookie

   Hillary Clinton being a good mom asked Chelsea the day before her wedding if she had sex with Marc. Chelsea said "NO" according to dad!!

   I am having an out of money experience.

   ...Demi & Ashton tweet about doing master cleanse diet. Can't wait to see the pic of his 1st bowel movement taken w/the Nikon CoolPix camera... lol!

   ...Couple who said they had pix of John Stamos w/underage girl in hot tub were indicted for extortion. Turns out the "girl" was Justin Bieber!