Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   : Roses are Red, Violets are Blue. I've got five fingers, the middle one's for you.

   it in the Job Description for Bomb Maker you have to be a medical student ?

   if you cant solve life's problems try Ctrl + Alt + Del

   First trick or treater at our house is this 5 year old girl I say "What a great costume Charlie and the Chocolate Factory is one of my favorites" she looks confused and says "I am snooki"

   going to be the one stuck handing out candy again which is a horrible idea.. Me and people never ends up going well.

   Went out tonight, saw many women with hot costumes including Sexy Snow White, Naughty Nurse, Hot Cop, Horny Devil, French Maid, etc....but not one Will Leave You Alone During The Football Game and Give You a BJ during Halftime. The search continues...

   i said to me little sister spell MacDonald and I will take you there she replied ok lets go to KFC

   happy Diwali ...the festival of lights (India)

   I wonder if Halloween is like a night off for prostitutes, since so many women are dressed like that, who can tell who's the real deal?

   My girlfriend got f**ked by a clown before we dated. So I have some pretty big shoes to fill.

   Creaming my candy corn this year so if you stop by to trick or treat, bring a bowl.

   My grandpa used to say "The best cure for a broken heart is a piping hot bowl of mom's homemade chicken soup. And a hooker."

   Charlie Sheen stole Brett Favre's cell phone.

   If your feeling like Charlie Sheen, go and brush your shoulders off

   If I have to pass a drug test to work my ass off, you should have to pass one to get welfare!!!

   wants a dirty picture of you so I can add it to my Xmas wishlist to send to Santa

   : It's Halloween. Let's see how many women in costumes I mistake for prostitutes...

   Don't steal, don't lie, don't cheat. The government hates competition!

   Making use of that ''YOU AND so an so'' button. I think It's fun commenting on a status my friend updated last year. That's a good one facebook.

   decided to go on a long holiday to couldntgiveafuckistan!!!!!!!!!!