Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   whats BROWN and Rhymes with Snoop???? Dr. Dre

   I just want to be held.....against my will.....by a tribe of sex crazed amazon women.

   TURKEY - Coming soon to a table near you.

   Oh, crap! This isn't where I parked my car!

   they say good things come to those who wait, so I'm gonna be about an hour late

   Great!!! my parents just told me I was made in China...???

   I can think of atleast 3 different ways to spend 78 million dollars more effectively.

   It just dawned on me that I am STILL not over the fact that Kevin Arnold and Winnie Cooper didn't end up together on The Wonder Years.

   If you're OCD and you know it wash your hands....

   Thinks it's good to see some of the women at work growing a movember too.

   IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT just in from Apple! Now not only including the Beatles music addition to the Itunes Store. They have also announced the addition of "The Greatest Polka Hits of "Lawrence Welk"!! Hurry over there now and get your digital copy now!

   BBC Sport: "Liverpool want Fanni" - Don't we all.

   I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her.

   Apparently it's green week. In an effort to contribute, I just created a save electricity sign: "Don't you hate it when someone turns you on, and then just leaves?"

   I have no problem with allowing Michael Vick to play in the NFL. However, if he ever suffers a career ending injury, he should be "put to sleep" immediately

   Great! Now all the pervs are going to apply for jobs with the TSA!

   If you're happy and you know it...share your meds.

   Mike Vick thought he was playing the Washington Pitbulls cause he killed them!!

   Everyone is intitled to their opinion, and in my opinion, your opinion sucks!

   ‎"One of the few things I really about FaceBook is that you can post or quote almost anything and few people will question it."- Abraham Lincoln :)