Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Why are you informing me how many shopping days left until Christmas? I'm not getting anything for you anyway!

   if you are posting how many days there are until Christmas in November, you should have to do all the dishes after Thanksgiving dinner.

   Stay classy Facebook.

   The old saying "The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence"....is it? Or maybe you just need to get up off UR lazy ass and mow the lawn, water it, pull some weeds, fertilize it, take care of your own grass and stop looking over the fence

   awesome at being humble!

   My internet goes down more than my girlfriend.......How sad!!

   Just found out that my google setting was set to family friendly and turned it off, it's a hole new world>:)

   In addition to being able to click "Like", Facebook needs a "That's what she said." option

   Get out from my memory !!!

   hates it when someone constantly complains about the town they live it. Here's a thought.....move if you don't like it! But quit your bit#&ing!

   getting rid of his "facebook wall" for the new "facebook window". Instead of writing comments on my wall, now all you ladies can "put em' on the glass".

   likes poetry, chocolate cake, and poking dead things with sticks.

   writes "like this", and not "lyk dis", because she is an adult, and because she is not stupid

   a little puzzled, as to why she has eye-liner on her thigh...

   may get her mink out tonight. It's time.

   has no doubt that there's a place in every woman's life for a red thong, but that place is not five inches above the waistline of her jeans. Ever.

   discovered today, that the man sitting next to her had wet himself.

   just asked a group of people for a lighter. They thought she was homeless, asking for money. She's wearing false lashes. When was the last time you saw a homeless person with false lashes?

   amazed what she can do with a broccoli, when she puts her mind to it.

   MYTH NUMBER 6.... Liquor Before Beer, Never Fear.