Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 5439 of 6385
kiss my asprin
before lady Di, I never heard of Paparazzi.., I thought it was a circus act or something
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11-13-2010 18:34 by smeebert
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...so you're talking and you feel like no one's listening at all? rip off a good loud fart. that'll get everybody's attention!
stands mighty in an elite group, Procrastinators! The leaders of tomorrow
Poker face? Yeah I would and then some.
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11-13-2010 17:35
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really misses Tiger Woods Gatorade. But the John Daly Gatorade is pretty good, too (it has vodka in it)
Nothing is more irritating than someone that updates there status every two minutes.
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11-13-2010 16:39
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seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
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11-13-2010 15:49
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the awkward moment when you get in the van and the old man doesnt have any candy.....
I just gave my cat a bath, she actually enjoyed it. it wasn't fun for me though, the fur kept sticking to my tongue
A guy shows up late for work. The boss yells, "You should've been here at 8:30!" The guy replies, "Why? What happened at 8:30?"
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11-13-2010 15:46
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Most fairy tales start with,"Once upon a time",my story starts with,"you ain't gonna believe this crap!"
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11-13-2010 15:46 by sunil
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My mom and I were playing "Call of Duty" the other day.... I was calling her to check if she was doing the cleaning, cooking, and ironing
today is National Kindness Day so say something nice y' JACKWAD!
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11-13-2010 15:45
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Just my luck...I got bit by a retroactive spider instead of a radioactive one! Now I'm making tie dye webs in shapes of pot leaves.
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11-13-2010 15:23
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"Release the hounds" sounds so much more badass than "let the dogs out".
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11-13-2010 15:12
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Watching Phoebe Cates exiting the pool for the 1,000,000,000 time!!!
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11-13-2010 14:16 by Jmigas
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Why do people thinks that pressin the elevator button manny times It will come down faster!
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11-13-2010 13:15 by sergio
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Its annoying when I get a notification then see its about a post that I commented on like a week ago. Its lost its luster by then. There should be a statute of limitations on such things.
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11-13-2010 12:50
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I bet those adults that remind others of how many shopping days were the kids that reminded the teacher to give homework at the end of class.
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11-13-2010 11:55
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