Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 5423 of 6385
Justin Bieber Found To Be Cleverly Disguised 51-Year-Old Pedophile
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11-18-2010 15:35
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I still miss my ex – But guess what? My Aim is getting better
Some things time cannot erase. That's why alcohol exists.
The bell ringers are out in full force already. I really don't mind and know it's for a good cause. I just hate the fact that it feels like I'm paying a "cover charge" to go into Walmart.
When I die, I want a disease named after me, with symptoms that include "being awesome at everything."
You never really know someone until you break up with them. If they don't go crazy and try to kill you than maybe you should give them a second chance.
Someone needs to invent a DVR that records dreams.
If you're telling me to relax, it's probably your fault that I'm not.
"How are feeling today?" is a polite reminder that you were a mess the night before.
Just once I'd like to learn something the easy way.
I feel sorry for people who don't drink; when they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day."
Remember "I" before "E", except in Budweiser!
the 1 item on my Black Friday shopping list this year is a mistletoe belt buckle for myself.
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11-18-2010 14:25
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I have ADHD. It's like ADD except the picture quality is phenomenal."
Since you're asking....I want a mistletoe belt buckle for Christmas.
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11-18-2010 14:19
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I just received a letter from my bank that said I am approved for a loan and a line of credit. Somebody, somewhere, made a huge mistake."
T.S.A. pat downs on children are a direct violation of their civil puberties
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11-18-2010 13:26 by levon
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I wondered why everytime I would visit my grandma at the retirement home they were having a Hawaiian luau until I learned that flowery clothing was the fashion trend of old people.
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11-18-2010 13:15 by jus2sweet
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The nighttime, sniffling, sneezing, coughing, aching, stuffy head, fever so I can rest medicine didn't work. I'm going to try 1 bourbon, 1 scotch and 1 beer instead.
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11-18-2010 13:04 by Hot Tea
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I think it's funny when someone updates their status with a depressing quote or about something bad that happened, and then people “like” it. The “like” button has become used more than a gas station bathroom.