Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 5387 of 6386
Helpful hint of my day... Pizza Rolls are the equivelant of molten lava even five minutes after removing from oven... fmt
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11-30-2010 16:35 by AMS
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Just wrecked myself...I sure wish I would've checked myself beforehand.
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11-30-2010 16:02 by bert
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Doctors performed emergency surgery on Nancy Grace to remove what they thought was a malignant mass. Turned out it was just her head.
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11-30-2010 15:43
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Hey, incessant seatbelt indicator beeping, I'll outlast you; just like your friend the gas light. You're not the boss of me!!
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11-30-2010 15:41
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Common divorce : $10,000-$30,000, Box of 22 shells $7.28, You do the math...
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11-30-2010 15:38 by rll
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But it's no use going back to yesterday, because I was a different person then. -Alice in Wonderland-
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11-30-2010 14:43
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If your hips roll over the top of your pants then they're TOO SMALL! just sayin
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11-30-2010 14:33
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Husband & wife were watching TV about psychology & mixed emotions, he turned to his wife & said, That's a bunch of crap! I bet you can't tell me anything that will make me happy & sad at the same time. She said, you have the biggest penis of all ur friend
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11-30-2010 14:29
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Everyone's got a story. I'll sleep through yours next.
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11-30-2010 14:17
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■I don't get you Vegans. If cows didn't want to be eaten, they'd move faster.
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11-30-2010 14:16
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Time to break out my mistletoe belt buckle!
If light travels so fast, then whats wrong with these new compact flouresent light bulbs? Is that why they are "energy efficient"? Because they don't turn on when you hit the switch?
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11-30-2010 14:04 by AMS
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True friend, if your internet ever goes out, just give me a call, tell me what web pages you wanted to visit, and I'll describe them to you.
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11-30-2010 14:02
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The one thing you can always count on is your fingers.
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11-30-2010 14:00
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I can't believe that it's the year 2010 and I still have to bend down to pick stuff up.
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11-30-2010 13:59
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I feel bad for Santa....the poor guy only comes once a year
I don't like it when other shoppers look in my cart while at the grocery store. Trying to steal my ideas, go think up your own dinner!
People who drive under the speed limit are probably the same people who drink decaf.
If anyone sees a bunch of people in their front yard tonight, don't be alarmed, were just christmas tree shopping.
This just in WIKILEAKS plans to reveal what you are getting for Xmas......
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11-30-2010 13:27 by Bill
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