Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 5380 of 6386
There's a reason stressed is "desserts" spelled backwards!
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12-02-2010 15:26
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checking out your facebook albums hoping to see some bikini photos of your girlfriend.
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12-02-2010 15:21
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All I want for Christmas is for my wife to swallow my egg nog one time!
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12-02-2010 15:07
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WHY IS A CHRISTMAS TREE BETTER THAN A MAN ? IT STAYS UP FOR 30 DAYS & NIGHTS, HAS CUTE BALLS & LOOKS GOOD WITH THE LIGHTS ON
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12-02-2010 15:05
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Dear Mr. guy that honks his horn right when the light turns green, it's not gonna work so well when I rip it out and shove it down your throat!
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12-02-2010 14:30
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Its so cold, Starbucks was serving coffee on a stick
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12-02-2010 13:46
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SNOWBALL FIGHT !!!"o´¯`❄.¸(░) `O.¸¸.¸. o´¯`❄. ¸(░) `O. ❄。 ¨¯`*✲ ´*。. ❄¨¯`*✲。 ❄*´*。 ✲O. ¸¸. ¸. o´¯`o. ¸ (░) `O. ¸¸.✲. ¸. o´¯`¸. o´¯`❄¸ (░) `O. ¸¸. ¸.✲´¯`o. ¸ (░) `O. ¸❄。 `O.
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12-02-2010 13:32
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thanks Obama......my advent calendar has pictures of Repo-Men, foreclosure notices and disconnect notices.
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12-02-2010 13:10
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nicotine patches are great !! stick one of each eye and you cant find your cigarettes..
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12-02-2010 12:05
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Today's secret word is Bieber. Everytime someone says it, punch them with authority.
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12-02-2010 11:58
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The X Factor is on tonight! I can't wait..... To go out to the pub
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12-02-2010 11:52 by uncle bob
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79% of accidents happen in the home. Finally, good news for the homeless.
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12-02-2010 11:51 by mr magoo
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as confused as Ray Charles with a Where's Waldo book
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12-02-2010 11:51 by hymie
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Don't add foreign words to your text messages in an attempt to sound intelligent. It will backfire and make you look like a pillock. Comprende?
hates it when the girlfriend asks him to hold her handbag and it doesn't match what I'm wearing.
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12-02-2010 11:42 by miko
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Just had a train run over his feet, probably his own fault for wearing platforms.
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12-02-2010 11:41 by badtouch
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going to order a load of bubble wrap just to see what it's delivered in.
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12-02-2010 11:39 by freemann
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my driving instructor told me, NEVER brake if there's an animal in the road....You should have seen the look on the copper's face as I knocked him off his horse.
doesn't consider them as one night stands, they're auditions.
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12-02-2010 11:33 by freya
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just kicked out of the local paintball fight and the police were called.....Apparently knifing somebody to save ammo is not allowed.
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12-02-2010 11:31 by fredus
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