Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 5371 of 6446

I didn't make any new resolutions this year because I'm still working on the ones from 2007.

Camera phones are an amazing invention for the convulsively bored
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01-02-2011 16:14 by R
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pretty sure I can beat just about anyone up, I've seen the karate kid atleast 30 times
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01-02-2011 16:12 by R
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Evryone wants others to understand their feelings. But no one wants to understand what othrs feel
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01-02-2011 13:21
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My wife and I have an agreement...I don't try to run her life, and I don't try to run my life.
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01-02-2011 10:26
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A friend of mine inserted an wanted ad in the Craigslist: It said "Wife wanted". Next day he said that he received a hundred replies. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."

"Cheating" is such a harsh word. I prefer "Monogamously Challenged".
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01-02-2011 05:05 by JimmyCos
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With Oprah leaving TV, the sales of big screen TV's is sure to drop.
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01-02-2011 03:40
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2011 is the sum of 11 consecutive prime numbers: 157 + 163 + 167 + 173 + 179 + 181 + 191 + 193 + 197 + 199 + 211 = 2011
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01-01-2011 19:54
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Have you ever read a book or watched a film that touched your soul so deeply it changed your entire outlook on life? I just took a dump like that….
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01-01-2011 19:02 by ~heZz~
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I was on snookies facebook and poked her. Now I need to get my facebook checked for herpes.
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01-01-2011 18:46 by will
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getting his eraser ready for two weeks of me putting 2010 on all my papers.
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01-01-2011 18:13
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I can't believe I wasn't paying attention at 1:11 on 1/1/11. Argh. I waited all my life for that to happen. Darn, darn, darn it. 2:22 on 2/2/22 just won't be the same.
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01-01-2011 17:55 by JC
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Just think, next year at this time I will be able to say Happy 2012, but with an evil grin on my face,
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01-01-2011 15:30 by JimmyCos
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Yes Officer, I do know why you pulled me over. To single-handedly destroy any chance I had of accomplishing my New Years Resolution goal of becoming a Saint before the sun even came up this morning.
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01-01-2011 15:11 by Hot Tea
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"Sometimes the unicorn isn't a unicorn, it's just a donkey with a plunger on its face."

I'm gonna have to go ahead and agree with my body on this one.....I shouldn't have drank that......
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01-01-2011 14:32
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First the doctor gave me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me..
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01-01-2011 14:04 by Wolf
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cant believe he just watched the New Kids on The Backstreet Boys bring in the New Year...What a terrible way to brink in 2011

I'm going to replace my car horn with machine gun audio.